Golfed today, out there before

Golfed today, out there before six. It is such a wonder deal to be able to get out and golf when there aren’t a lot of other people around. It is a great time of day, too. I did a 63, which is my par. I hit a 3 metalwood off every appropriate tee with good to not too embarassing results. I went out yesterday too. And Kent and Jim were playing ahead of me. Interesting emotional issue for me. I was thinking that they had arranged to go out together, which is fine, but nonetheless I was dealing with issues of exclusion. What they told me later was this: Jim said that he was out there at 5:45, was going down the fairway and Kent, at about 6:00, came on the tee. He saw, and got his attention, and joined up with him. That all makes sense and is totally against the automatic feelings of exclusion that came up. To my credit, I think I dealt with it, or at least didn’t totally go into a tailspin. Something that I need to work on is that when I think I am dissed I develop a huge dose of standoff-ishness, and I was doing that for sure. Definitely a defense mechanism. Definitely maladaptive. The only way out of that is a totally Zen thing, though, as far as I can tell. I just have to be removed from it? Went to the driving range. Wasn’t real happy with the way it went, but I noticed that yesterday too. And this morning when I play, I felt that what I did on the driving range didn’t apply.